About
Nearly a year ago I got the baby bug, or baby rabies as some call it. Before this severe infection I was totally anti-baby. I thought – babies make you dumb. People have babies and want to stop working and stop being successful and stop reaching for their dreams. Bad babies! Plus I read about a statistical study that showed a correlation between years of education and delay in age of having babies. So of course I can extrapolate this out to mean if you wait till 50 to have a baby you must be a genius. That’s how the logic goes, no?
But then it happened, I was going about my business as usual and this bug attacked me out of left field. Basically I had been feeling yucky and my husband said “maybe you’re pregnant”. No, I can’t be pregnant I take birth control every night religiously. But somehow, beyond all logic, the thought got into my head – what if I am? I finally broke down and drove to the CVS to buy a test and prove to myself I wasn’t. On the way home, with the 99.999% accurate pregnancy test on my car seat next to me, I thought to myself, “Well if I am, that wouldn’t be so devastating. No, it really won’t be that bad. It might actually be kinda nice.” And in the 2 miles back to my house I had decided that a baby was indeed a good idea.
After that, I just couldn’t shake it. I felt guilty. After all, baby = dumb woman. This was bad, real bad. I had to get it out of my head. So I would get angry at myself for thinking about it. Forbid myself from looking at baby stuff online. It was down right naughty to think of such thoughts!
Finally I gave up on trying to shake it loose and deny it, and I just accepted it. I was a dumb woman who just wanted a baby.