Illustration by Sarah Jane Studios
Since I’ve know I’m having a girl, I’ve been thinking about all the things that are important when raising girls. There are different concerns when it comes to girls. And to be honest I think it’s a little bit more complex with girls than with boys. The most important thing I want to give my girl is a sense of self-confidence and empowerment.
I want Isabella to feel beautiful. There is just so many outside factors that try to make girls think that beauty is one specific mold (thanks barbie). I want her to know that she is beautiful exactly as she is. If she has blonde hair it will be the most spectacular blonde hair this world has ever seen. If she has brown hair, it will be the most gorgeous head of hair in history. All because she will be Isabella, and magically she will be absolutely perfect just as she is. As she grows, how do I make her see that there no need to try to change who she is to fit into something she is not? Sure, I could try to not allow her access to any form of media until she is 18, thereby shielding her from the craze…but I think the most important source of a little girl’s self confidence is her parents- both with setting a good example, and with enabling her own confidence. I have to remember to never ask “do these pants make my butt look big?” And to never put myself down in front of her for her sake. And I vow to never say or do things that would make her feel anything less than exquisitely beautiful. I have occasionally overheard parents pointing out “flaws” to their children. If I ever do this you have the right to slap me. hard.
And then there is the helpless princess victim archetype. How do I make sure she knows that she does NOT have to wait locked up in the tall tower for a prince to come save her. No, she should just pull out her power tools, saw down the locked door, then go save the prince who has undoubtedly lost his way in the forest with that awful sense of direction… We are not self-entitled princess in tiaras and tutus. Women have come too far to belittle themselves that way. Although still in my tummy, she is already so much more than that.
I feel like I was very lucky as a little girl because of my parents. They supported me no matter what kind of crazy project I wanted to start, they never made me feel like anything was impossible or out of reach, and they loved me even if I failed. I want Isabella to have that kind of support. I want her to know that no matter what, we’ve got her back. So she can go forth and blaze trails knowing that even if she doesn’t succeed the first time, we will still love her and be her biggest fans. Even if she decides her interests are completely outside of our comfort zone, we will be there. Like sports, I hate watching sports…but if we have ourselves a little tom boy, I will be there at every game or match or whatever it may be. And even though I hate yelling like a fool to cheer, you can bet that for my izzy I’d turn into the loudest, most outlandish soccer mom. Yep, by the time she’s 13 I’d be downright embarrassing, but I’d still be there.
Then there are boys….oh god, boys. How do I impart upon my little girl that you never have to change yourself for a boy? How do I make her understand that you just keep on being you, and one day you’ll find someone who loves you exactly as you are (even with all the things you think are flaws). That can seem so difficult to understand sometimes. How do I make her strong enough to stand up to a boy with low morals? To respect herself and love herself enough to know her true worth?
So much to think about…