image by Desirée Delgado
I step into this next stage of my life with more fear and trepidation than I have ever had with anything else in my life. Becoming a parent brings so many new fears into play. The very first of all these fears is my fear of infertility – what if I can’t become a parent?
Infertility is serious issue that affects one in six couples. That statistic is staggering and scary. It strikes fear deep in my heart. As the time to stop the pills gets closer, this fear grows more and more prevalent. While I understand it would more than likely eventually work out, even if science was needed to help. But the emotional turmoil takes a toll regardless. When other people go though this, my heart just tears for them. I don’t know what it feels like, but emphatically, I can only imagine. Another side of the coin – If we are lucky and conceive quickly… What if our success creates pain for others around us still trying so hard. I don’t want that for anyone.
It’s a feeling a bit similar to near the end of college. Ready to take a giant leap, ready for what was on the other side of the chasm, but unsure if I could make it. Only this time it involves human life. Since I am such a “Type A” over-achiever I fear that if we do have trouble, I will immediatly become stressed and try to force it to happen, which I am sure will not help matters. These kinds of things tend to happen when they are ready to happen, like a stubborn kid not ready to quit playing. There is no amount of energy that can make certain things happen before their time comes. Can I release enough of my tightly-held power to resign to a timeline outside of my control?